Well, my son’s birthday party was postponed… of all the cruel things, a girl broke his heart on his birthday. She knew today was his birthday, but she chose to break the news of her seeing someone else today. So my kiddo called me and asked me to cancel. He didn’t want to see anyone tonight. He came home and crashed into bed for awhile. Later he was feeling somewhat better. We ended up with us all going out to dinner.
This is the 2nd night in a row we’ve eaten out. I think I made great choices as far as the meal went. I had a small portion of lean meat, and a couple servings of vegetables. Last night it was steamed broccoli and a salad, I brought the dessert home for my son to enjoy. Tonight it was a variety of vegetables and a lot of them. Dessert wasn’t included in tonight’s dinner. Oh thank goodness. The way I was feeling, I probably would have eaten mine and my hubby’s dessert. Both nights I went with water as my drink. So far so good!
I made it through a stressful day without going off plan. Okay, so I still have a party to look forward to on Sunday. Now I’m feeling like I have what it takes to skip the dessert the rest of this weekend.
Hopefully my son is actually looking forward to a party with friends and family.
I didn’t intend to go so long without a quick check in here and there. My aging FIL (father in law) has been ill and now we are taking care of him full time in his home. It’s stressful to say the least. I’m not keeping up with me… or my home. Ohmy goodness… I can’t believe it’s nearly the holidays and my home looks like it does. But that probably won’t matter…
It’s been weeks since I weighed in… this morning I stepped on the scale, not knowing what to expect. It’s worse than I thought it would be. I’m back up to 257 lbs. I know how that happened. Complete lack of activity and a stressful situation.
I know what I need to do. Now I need to do it. Well I’m off… back to my FIL’s.
Sooooo… some days are better than others. Today was extremely stressful. I could have been online catching up with my bloggie buddies, but I chose to raid the fridge instead. I could have gone on a walk… walked right away from the stress at home. But I didn’t. I could have called a friend… blah blah! I could have done a lot of things. But I didn’t. I sat here doing absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
Now I’m trying to figure out why I react like this when I’m stressed. It’s a vicious cycle. I stress… I eat…. then I stess because I ate… then I eat some more. Why oh why?
I’m a stay at home mom. I use to take pride in my homekeeping skills. My home was spotless. My life was organized. Not very often I’d have an off day. That would be the day DH would come home and ask what I did all day long….
Whoa. I’d be like… did I just hear what I thought I heard?
Sure enough. He actually had the nerve to ask what I’d done all day. The first few years if that happened, I took my anger out by cleaning house, organizing drawers, deep… deep cleaning. Then things happened in our life and he’d say something about my lack of abilities to keep a clean home or my parenting skills and I rebelled against him. Well… let me tell ya, that’s not a good reaction. It’s self defeating. It didn’t take just a few short months and my house was a disaster. I’m still having a hard time keeping it as neat and organized as it use to be.
This is the same reaction I have when it comes to me… taking care of me. I thought I was through with the negative reactions. I thought I was through the self defeating actions. What good does it do me to sit on my butt doing nothing. What good does it do me to raid the fridge? If I give up on my homekeeping…. if I give up on me… he wins. Is that what I want?
I know I can over come this. Tomorrow is a new day…
Today… okay I’ll keep this brief so I don’t sit here crying in my keyboard. My dear young friend’s baby was stillborn. Prayers of comfort are all I ask.
